Blessed Easter

Those are words my mother would always say to all of us in the family.  We always chuckled but today I realized she was right.  Easter is such a blessing.  Christ is risen....alleluia!

Nothing much has happened medically since I last posted.  I did have the pre-surgery blood work, x-ray and EKG.  I guess everything is good to go because I have not heard otherwise.

Wednesday and Thursday nights we were able to enjoy the evenings with dear friends.  We had laughter, tears, drinks, food and overall great companionship.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them.

Thank goodness the weather turned great Friday and Rick was able to get in some golf.  I was able to get some things organized and had time to be myself.  We grilled some steaks and had a very relaxing day.  Of course the couple of glasses of wine helped too:)

In the words of my late sister yesterday was my "weepy day".  I only post this to let you know that my cancer journey has many ups and downs.  I think my "down" days are God's wake up calls to me.  I pray that God teaches me to accept the grace He has provided me...the grace that sees me through every day.  His Spirit is what upholds me when I am most fearful and weak.  I must remember as in Psalm 120:1 "In my distress I cried unto the Lord, and He heard me."  So after my talk with God yesterday Rick and I took a rainy road trip to Jamesport, MO.  (Nothing much there, but got us out of the house.) On our return trip the sun came out and we ventured to the Plaza for a drink and out to dinner.  Our evening ended with college basketball on TV...Go Shockers:)

This all brings me to today.  We went to church with Karlene and family and then out to brunch.  Rick has had to "work" today on the golf course (I am sure he has played some too!).  This has given me the afternoon to sit on the deck and soak up God's glorious day.  I will not post anymore until I am able to do so after the surgery.  Someone will post the results of the surgery.

I will end with a saying from a bookmark I received from my cousin:

What Cancer Cannot Take From You

"It cannot take away your faith, shatter your hope or lessen your love.  It cannot destroy true friendship, invade the soul or take away eternal life.  It cannot conquer your spirit."

Christ is risen....alleluia!

New Wardrobe

I really don't need the expense of a new wardrobe after I eat all the meals all of you have offered:)
I can't begin to say thank you enough for making sure we won"t starve!  With that being said Karlene has asked that you just be patient about a day to bring food.  She has communicated with several of you and assigned some days.  After a week or so Rick and I should be able to handle things on our own but I will send out a smoke signal if not.

Today I visited with the genetic oncologist.  I thought this would be of value to my daughters and nieces to know if my cancer gene is genetic.  But in the hour long conversation I decided it has value for me too.  Since I know I have cancer in both breasts I am at an increased risk for ovarian cancer if I have the genetic gene.  But it is a very expensive test and insurance does not always cover the cost.  After I find out what they will pay I will make my decision to proceed or not.  Another doctor checked off my list.

Tomorrow is a "free" day.  I am so looking forward to not spending the day in a doctor's office or hospital!  Just wish we had some spring weather to enjoy!

Wednesday is back to the grind.  I will meet with a physical therapist at 9 and learn some pre-surgery exercises.  After that I am off for chest x-ray, EKG and blood work in preparation for the surgery.

The rest of the week is for anything I choose to do.  We are having dinner with some dear friends Thursday evening and going to enjoy their company.  No other real plans in place but some how our social calendar fills up.  I just want to be able to sit on the deck and enjoy some nice weather.  For some reason there might be some golf in Rick's future too!

Many of you have asked to be notified after the surgery.  Rick or Karlene will post on the blog as soon as they know anything.  I found out today that surgery is not scheduled until 10:30 on Tuesday and I will be in surgery for at least 3 hours.  I know things never run on time in a hospital so don't worry if it is late in the day before they are able to write anything.

Thanks again for everything.  I have been trying to write thank you notes but I am so overwhelmed that I just keep procrastinating.  Please know that I appreciate all the things you have done.

I have been reading some devotional books the last few days.  I know God is in control.
I loved the tip I read today:  "Surround yourself with a good support system.  It is easier to give help than to receive it, but let your support team help you as you need it."

Thanks to a wonderful support team.

Plan!

I have had some time to mull over what has happened in the last 24 hours.  I truly believe God had quite a hand in what I was dealt.  I am so glad He answered my prayers that I would clearly know what plan would be best for me.  I didn't want to hear I had cancer in both breasts but so glad I know it now and can make choices without having to come back in a year and go through this again.

Surgery is scheduled for April 2nd.  I have to be at the hospital by 6 a.m.  (I may have to drive myself because this is clearly earlier than Rick begins his day!)  It will be a long day.  I am having sentinel lymph node biopsies done on both breasts.  The preparation for this takes place before surgery.  This will help the surgeon determine the extent of cancer present in the first group of lymph nodes in the breast area.  If positive (they shoot blue dye in it) he will then know to take more lymph nodes for pathology testing after the surgery.  If negative he knows that he can get more clear margins.  At least this is what I understand the process to be.  Shoot....I may have it all wrong but makes me sound like I know what I am doing:)

If you want to do something concerning meals now that the plan is in place Karlene would like for anyone to email her so she can work on a schedule.  Her email address is: karlene.newsom@gmail.com
Unfortunately Rick does have some limitations on things he can eat:  no nuts, no seeds and lettuce.  Of course I can eat anything:) I feel funny writing that when you are so kind to bring over meals but I don't want things to go to waste.

Really we will be just fine with just your thoughts and prayers.  I can't wait to see all of you and celebrate when this is over....think a party at Hooters would be appropriate???:)

Thanks again for everything dear friends and family.

Facts

The facts became all clear this morning.  They are not what I had hoped but I now have my plan of action.

The pathology report on the left breast showed an invasive lobular cancer.  This is different than the one on the right breast.  But it is still an estrogen fed cancer.  Therefore I will have a double mastectomy.  I still do not know about chemotherapy as a follow up because it will depend on the lymph nodes affected.  I will not have the radiation but will still do the 5 years hormonal therapy.

As I write I am waiting on the surgeon to call to set up the surgery.  I have elected not to have reconstruction done at this time so I only have to wait to see when he has an opening.  I also will need to do physical therapy prior to surgery to help prevent swelling in the arms.

Lots of new things will be happening to me since I have not had a surgery since I was 5 years old.  I have asked God for strength for me through this process.  He will be holding my hand along with my dear husband and best friend of 40 years.

I will get through this "hell".  In the meantime continue to pray for me and my family.  Once we have a timeline established I will let you know what can be done so Rick doesn't live on bologna sandwiches:)

Love to all of you!

One Day Closer

First let me tell you I am under the influence of valium!  I hope what I write makes sense:)

The day began with a meet and greet with my radiologist oncologist.  She was very informative and answered my questions before I could even ask them.  The team of doctors had all ready met earlier in the morning and I was one of the patients so she was well informed about my case.  I left from there with two plans in place dependent upon the out come of the biopsies I had later today.

The radiologist was able to get both areas in question on the left breast with an ultrasound biopsy.  I still had the MRI to confirm he got them both.  God answered my prayers because the MRI guided biopsy was not what anyone wanted!  I guess it is a long more invasive process.

If the biopsies on the left breast are negative I will have a lumpectomy, 6 weeks of radiation (once a day for 6 weeks) and 5 years of hormonal therapy.  If the biopsies are positive I will have a double mastectomy.  Of course this may change again after surgery if lymph nodes are affected and the type of cancer needs chemotherapy treatment.  As of now no one can feel anything in the lymph nodes and nothing shows on the MRI.

It is now wait and see.  I am at peace right now(valium helps).  I feel I will have all the facts in place and make the best decision based on those facts.

Tomorrow is off to the plastic surgeon!

Enjoy this lovely spring weather!  (For those of you not in Missouri we had snow flurries today.)

Sunny Days

This last week brought me my sunny days.  I needed a distraction and grandkids can do that well!

I began the week with my visit to our family physician on Tuesday.  He walked into the room with tears in his eyes, bear hugged me and said "you are going to beat this"!  Since he knows me so well he was also armed with articles and statistics about breast cancer.  I felt much better after my 40 minute visit with him.  He agreed I needed more facts and he will help guide me in my decision.  I left laughing with him and a smile on my face.

On Wednesday we drove to St. Louis to pick up two of the joys in my life!  Annabelle and Cecilia, my granddaughters, definitely made me begin my cancer free week.  On Thursday we went to Coco Key, a water park in Kansas City, and came home exhausted.  Friday was absolutely gorgeous weather in KC and the third joy in my life, Ethan, came over to play.  WOW....now that combination will make you even forget your name!  I loved every minute of it and was sad when they all had to leave.  But I was super tired so once again it is great being a grandma and sending them back home.

Yesterday and today have been low key days for me.  My mind is beginning to move to what the week has in store for me.  I will visit the radiologist oncologist on Tuesday morning.  Then at noon I will have the biopsies of the left breast.  Of course Valium is ordered!  It sounds like it will be a tedious procedure with going in and out of the MRI machine to map the exact spot the doctor will biopsy.  Hopefully I will have the results from that by Thursday.  On Wednesday I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon to discuss my options after surgery.  Of course I am ready to move on but I am glad I am exploring all my options and will make the best decision I can with the facts.

Once again I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the cards, calls and gifts.  I have had some laughs with many of them.  My cousin, whom I call Bro, has more than entertained me trying to discover his feminine side!

Those of you on spring break have a great week.  Hopefully by the end of the week I will have my "plan".

Anti-Fog

I had a dear friend bring me a gift of Rain-X anti fog today.  What a way to start my day down a new path!

My cancer free weekend began with my awesome college friends bringing me a "care package" and helping me laugh and enjoy some time with old friends.  It was hard not to think about the "pink elephant" in the room but I tried to be positive.  It ended Sunday with family and being reminded that I have two GPS's in my life.  I need to remember that God is my main GPS and He will travel this journey with me.

Today was the first appointment with my oncologist, Dr. John Davis.  I thoroughly trusted him and felt he has my best interest in hand.  As we discussed my case he agreed that we still don't have all the facts.  After our discussion he felt we needed to biopsy those areas on the left breast that are in question.     Unfortunately the doctor that will perform this procedure is on spring vacation with his family.  We will schedule it next week.  As of now I am planning on doing a lumpectomy on the right breast with radiation treatments and hormone therapy.  This all may change after I speak to the surgeon again but this is the tentative plan.  AND plans my change after the surgery and the pathology reports become available.  The left breast is still in question.

In the meantime I have a consultation with our family doctor tomorrow.  He has been our family physician for over 30 years and I need to make sure he is in agreement with these decisions.  I totally know he will "shoot it straight" to me.

My fog is getting lighter and I know will be gone for the later part of the week because I will be able to spend a few days with my grandkids.  We have some fun activities planned and there's no better way for me to be fog free for a few days.

Thanks for all the offers to do something but right now we are doing fine.  I feel all of your hugs, thoughts and prayers.

Have a good week.

Fog Started to Lift But Fell Back Down

Current forecast is for the fog not to lift for awhile.

I had an ultrasound today on the two areas of the left breast that were undetermined after the MRI.  One area was well defined but the other was difficult to see.  After the radiologist read it he suggested I needed to have an ultrasound biopsy on the one that could be seen and an ultrasound MRI guided biopsy on the other spot.  But then he said that if I chose to have a double mastectomy then I didn't need to do anything.  WHOA.....how do I know what I am doing was my question?  The poor little tech was just relaying the information to me and I was becoming slightly agitated.  She suggested I talk to the nurse navigator.  (I think she was going to suggest anything to get me out of her area!)  I went back to the waiting room and Rick could tell that I was becoming unglued.  He had no idea whether he should say something or just remain quiet.  I blurted out "just cut them both off and be done with this"!  At this point I knew the fog was so dense that I couldn't go any further.

We met with Janie and she tried to navigate me through the process once again.  My fog lights were not working well at all!  Of course complicating the decisions are the fact that several of the doctors will be gone the next few weeks to spend spring break with their families.  (What....they need to cancel all trips and pay attention to me!) I was getting so confused about why I needed to make a decision of either lumpectomy or mastectomy when I still did not have all the facts or final consultations from the surgeon or oncologist.  After a few tears and Rick diplomatically laying out what we knew Janie agreed that I needed to talk to the surgeon again.  In the meantime they will be scheduling the biopsies for the week of the 19th.  I meet with the oncologist on Monday afternoon.  The radiolgist oncologist's appointment isn't until the 19th.  It looks like no plans will be in place and surgery will not be until the end of March or first part of April.

I have been instructed to take a "cancer free" weekend.  I plan on doing that and looking forward to a few days next week with my grandkids.

Enjoy your weekend also.

Fog Rolling In

Fog has rolled into my life this week.  On Monday, March 4,  I received the phone call I had hoped I would never hear in my life.  The words "you have breast cancer" just made my mind become a blur.  I heard all the words the doctor was saying but I had a hard time with processing the information.  Then came the call from a lady called a nurse navigator, Janie.  This all took place in a 3 hour window of time!  (She will be my GPS on this journey.) Immediately appointments were made with a breast surgeon, oncologist and a MRI for follow up information.  Whew....fog was blurring my vision.

The breast surgeon appointment was Wednesday, March 6.  I had a day to gather all the information I could find on the web!  Anyone who knows me knows I have to be in control and this made me think I was prepared for anything he said.  I thought the fog is going to lift today and I will have plans in place.  I had my notebook ready with instructions to Rick to write down everything so I could refer to it later.  (Of course, my "secretary" had to be reminded to write as the doctor was talking.)  I would say the meeting was more a "meet and greet" time.  I am getting use to sitting on a table with everything "hanging out" or I should say "hanging low"!  Dr. McGroskey had reviewed the pathology report and the mammogram and said that the cancer was very curable.  I thought yes the fog is lifting.  He didn't feel anything in my lymph nodes but I still had the MRI scheduled for Thursday.  He discussed all things that could happen but no plans were made.  Just more information to process and more fog to roll in.  I wanted a plan!

Today, March 7, I had the MRI.  Once again a new experience for me....undress, hang out boobs, get IV and be wrapped like a mummy to go through the tunnel.  Needless to say I had to take a Valium!  After an hour I was done and off to visit with Janie, the nurse navigator.  Wow she may be my GPS but I kept hoping she was going to say "destination is ahead on your right".  Instead I went through so many turns I needed to put on the fog lights again. She went over the pathology report so I could understand it.  The right breast has a tumor 2.9 cm.  It is larger than I originally thought.  It is a fast growing cancer both invasive and non invasive.  (Meaning some has spread outside the ducts into the breast tissue.)  It is 100% ER positive and 55% PR positive.  This means that the cancer will respond to hormonal therapy. But still no answers as to surgery plans.  Janie made more appointments with a radiology oncologist and plastic surgeon.  I left from there thinking about what is REALLY going to happen next.

Once again the phone rang with Janie reporting results of the MRI.  Nothing much different with the right breast but now there are two spots on the left breast they need to exam again.  Tomorrow I am off to have an ultrasound to exam those spots closer.  The fog closed in on me this afternoon and I had to stop my journey for a bit...under the covers.

I will continue to blog as I get more information.  I know I should be thankful that the medical staff is trying to make the right decision for me but I am not real patient.  It is hard for me to remember I am one of many that is going through this same process and hoping for the same results.  As Rick said if it were up to me I would have told them on Tuesday I am having a double mastectomy Wednesday and been home for recovery today!  I need to remember God is in control and not me.  I have a very strong faith and know He will be with me on this foggy journey.

Many of you have wanted to do something.  Let's just get the plan in place and then Karlene will help with some suggestions of what you can do.  Wow....did I really say someone could do something for me????